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Depressed, Stressed + Doing My Best

Hey You, 

If you're here it's probably because you follow me on Instagram @TownHomeDiaries. Maybe you love my sense of home decor style. The bright, happy colors! The fun prints and art work! Maybe you're here because you watch my Instagram stories and you can't imagine that someone like me would have depression and anxiety. 



Yeah, I've felt that same way about other people before. 

The problem is that you never know what someone else is going through. We've all heard the similar quote, everyone is fighting their own fight. While tired, the quote is true. 

There's a lot of stigma about Mental Health issues. People are afraid to tell you that they have them. People are afraid of the people who have them. Not me, I just lay it all out on the line. Why? Well for starters, with MY mental illnesses, sometimes i'm stressed for seemingly no reason. Or I may be lovey dovey clingy one day and the next day I don't even want to see your face. Maybe i'm happy and super energetic in the morning but by evening i'm despondent and annoyed by anything breathing. That's why. It's OBVIOUS that something is wrong. That's not how normal people operate. If I don't put it out there and I don't talk about it, i'm going to come off wrong. I'm going to hurt someone's feelings. I'm going to offend everyone. So... if the moment needs it I just say "Hey, I have anxiety. Sometimes I seem a little off.. it's normal." 

Lately I've been having a lot of ups and downs with my mood. Depression sucks, guys. It sucks a whole lot. Friends and family will say to me "Just cheer up!" or "You control your own mood!" and it makes me want to scream. No, I don't. I know it's hard to fathom if it's never happened to you, but let's imagine it this way: 

Someone has heart problems. They keep having heart attacks. You look at the person and you say "Just stop having heart attacks!" Or "You control your own body!"... You wouldn't do that right? No one would. It's common knowledge that besides preventative measures, you can not just simply stop having heart problems. 

You see where I'm going here, right? I can't just simply stop being depressed. I can't just tell my anxiety to go away. Especially because I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. It's not so much the germ-aphobia that OCD is known for widely in pop culture. For me it's about obsessive thoughts that I. Can't. Stop. Thinking. No. Matter. What. I. Do. Sometimes I don't even know I'm doing it. Sure someone might think I could just distract myself and I'd stop thinking the obsessive thought. WRONG. The thought is so deep you don't even know you're thinking it. Sometimes you're simultaneously thinking normal thoughts and obsessive thoughts at the same time. I'm serious. 

So yeah, I'm moody today. In fact, I've been slightly moody for about a week. I have no idea why and it's seemingly for no reason. I'm annoyed at myself, my brain, the world. So that's when I pour myself into things I'm interested in. DIY's, decorating, decor, preparing for upcoming holidays, blogging, taking photos, making friends on instagram. It all keeps me busy and helps when the going gets tough. So if you've read this far, thank you. You're awesome. I'm sure I'll climb out of my funk in a few days, and I'll probably wonder why I wrote this. But for now, in this moment, I know I wrote it because someone of you will relate. And that's enough for me. 

XOXO, 
Kaleena


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